The earlier you divorce, the better.

 

Hold on. Wait a minute. I am not saying what you are thinking. This is not an eulogy to divorce. Far from it.

I just want to give you perspective.

The dirtiest and ugliest divorces are usually the ones from very old marriages. Mostly between 15 years upwards.

When couples who have been married and together for 15, 20, 30, 40, 50 years divorce, it is usually unpleasant and damaging, for obvious reasons.

The longer you stay married to someone, the more memories, good and bad, that you create with them.

The longer you stay married to someone, the more plans and dreams you share with them for the future. In other words, you already see them as a big part of your future because your plans and dreams are inextricably interwoven.

The longer you stay married to someone, the more you know them and more difficult it becomes to un-know them. In other words, you may never know anyone else the way you know them.

The wound is always deeper, scar wider and pain stronger when such old couples separate or divorce.

Moving on without bitterness and hate is always tough. It is tough because both parties have built a life and legacy together and now they find it hard to see a future without each other in it.

That's why even long after they have separated from each other, they would fight through texts and messages or whenever they see face to face. The fight doesn't end. Why? It is frustration for putting each other in that difficult spot.

If you are with someone for 15 or 20 years, that's many years worth of time and material and emotional investment. Ending such a relationship MUST have undesirable personal consequences. And frankly speaking I don't think it is worth the trouble.

Whatever would make me stay with you and endure you for at least 20 years in marriage, I MUST AND WILL DO EVERYTHING TO MAKE IT WORK. Such a divorce will leave both of us shattered mentally, emotionally and otherwise.

This is why I began by saying the earlier you divorce the better.

The best divorces are the ones for marriages that are 2 to 10 years old. It is relatively easier to move on from such. You can easily pick yourself up again and start afresh.

Whatever makes you endure that 20 year old marriage should make you stay and save it. It is the better option. Stay and save it. Trust me.

By : Allison