1. OPEN LINE OF COMMUNICATION.
When you and your partner are going through an issue, avoid silent treatment, avoid leaving the house to go stay somewhere else, avoid blocking your spouse over the phone, avoid cutting your partner off. Killing communication delays sorting the issue and it escalates to new issues.
2. RESTRAINT.
When you feel misunderstood by your spouse or offended, you can easily say hurtful things that you regret or want to express your anger or frustration in a manner that might not be pleasant. Control yourself though; do and say only what will help in resolving the issue.
3. REACHING OUT.
Both of you should take the initiative of reaching out & wanting to bridge the gap. When you wait for your spouse to initiate and your spouse also waits for you; the two of you will drift further apart.
4. PEACE.
No matter what, give each other peace. Allow each other to feel safe and not attacked. This makes you both less defensive and eager to continue loving.
5. AGREEMENT ON THE ISSUE.
You may not agree on how you see the issue or how the issue started, but at least agree on what the problem is. Be specific. You cannot overcome a mountain until you know which mountain.
6. OWNERSHIP.
Both of you should own up to your wrongs, faults or shortcomings without finger pointing or arguing who is more to blame. Admitting that you're wrong makes it easy to navigate.
7. APOLOGY.
Where you are wrong, apologize. It shows your spouse that you care and you are thoughtful. Apologizing when you're wrong is not a sign that you're weak.
8. FORGIVENESS.
Don't hold grudges. Offer your spouse grace and be willing to move past the issue. Don't be that person who gives other people grace but can't do the same for your spouse.
9. LISTENING EAR.
Listen to each other's point of view. Even when you feel you are the one hurt, listen to your spouse. Both of you should put your thoughts on the issue.
10. PERSPECTIVE.
Yes, the issue might seem big right now but don't lose sight of how far you have come and how far you two will go. Don't let a few unpleasant spots ruin the beauty of your journey.
11. TOUCH.
Progressively bring touch into how you relate. A rub on the shoulder, a hug, a cuddle, a touch on the hand; even if you say nothing, it warms the heart.
12. AFFIRMATION.
During storms, let your spouse know you still love him/her. "Yes, we are going through difficult times right now, but you are still the one I love".
13. APPRECIATION.
Tell your spouse thank you for all he/she is. Thank your spouse for working through the issue with you, for being a team player.
14. PATIENCE.
Addressing issues and healing takes time. Don't rush the process, celebrate the progress.
15. PRAYERS.
As you pray, you two will be more connected and will find the strength to make your love more beautiful
Issues are manageable when two committed people are ready to fight for and work on their love.
Whenever you have a conflict with your partner. The first thing that should come to your mind is: "I'm not trying to be right by proving them wrong. I'm trying to hear them and be heard too.... "It's both of you resolving the issue, not both of you fighting yourselves".
The Blunt Writer,